alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
