I met the friendliest cop last night
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
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