Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
