I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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