I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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