weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
