We're like a lot better than the average bears
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
