I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
