We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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