apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
