the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
