theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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