fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
