speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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