if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'll put lettuce on them
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men