...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
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The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
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He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.