Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators