Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(514): View more from Quebec

I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.

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(514): I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later. http://tfl.nu/cmn8

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(231): View more from Michigan

I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.

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(231): I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out. http://tfl.nu/21gu

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(443): View more from Maryland

Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.

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(443): Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable. http://tfl.nu/quma

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(816): View more from Missouri

Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"

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(816): Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you" http://tfl.nu/hln2

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(410): View more from Maryland

Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.

(301): View more from Maryland

I accept this challenge.

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(410): Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you. (301): I accept this challenge. http://tfl.nu/mbqm

Replies (61) Good night (19188) Bad night (2147)
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(419): View more from Ohio

It'd be like medium rare by now.

(1-419): View more from Ohio

I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.

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(419): It'd be like medium rare by now. (1-419): I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat. http://tfl.nu/d8mh

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.

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(401): anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches. http://tfl.nu/n5i2

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(509): View more from Washington

idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.

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(509): idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow. http://tfl.nu/e8dm

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(503): View more from Oregon

I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.

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(503): I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life. http://tfl.nu/c2dk

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(512): View more from Texas

Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool

(210): View more from Texas

No

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(512): Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool (210): No http://tfl.nu/m5ry

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(504): View more from Louisiana

why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan

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(504): why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan http://tfl.nu/6v6o

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(561): View more from Florida

Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.

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(561): Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry. http://tfl.nu/ip0u

Replies (9) Good night (644) Bad night (1481)
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(781): View more from Massachusetts

Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment

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(781): Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment http://tfl.nu/se99

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(330): View more from Ohio

I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse

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(330): I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse http://tfl.nu/h2il

Replies (1) Good night (601) Bad night (415)
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(571): View more from Virginia

I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."

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(571): I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar." http://tfl.nu/n1ur

Replies (4) Good night (516) Bad night (263)

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