I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"