just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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