I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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