I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants