I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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