I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
