you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
