You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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