I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
