Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Pooping to opera.
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