"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
