I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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