I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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