New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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