That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
