sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just found puke in my bra..
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
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then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
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I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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