Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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