I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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