I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
What a dumb baby whore.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
