The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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