Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm like, not good at living.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
