I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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