His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
