i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
