Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
