This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
They have beer where we have blood.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
