He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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