you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
