I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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