Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
