maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
That was before I lit my hair on fire
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
