She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
