I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
