I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize