We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Come on in and take your pants off
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize