Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
