I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
