If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
