At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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