Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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