I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
