I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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