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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
