I think scott just propositioned me for sex
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
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She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
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It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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