just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
