sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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