You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
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I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
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I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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