Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
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