It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
