He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
