So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
