I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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