nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
she smelled like a LAN party
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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