I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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